How to get along when we attract our opposite! Organization can help or hinder.
Why is it that “Mr. Organized” partners with “Ms. Chaos”? The universe is funny that way, always trying to balance things out. Think about how often you are at odds with someone in your life because of organization issues:
- Not being able to find what your boss is looking for.
- Arguing with your child about the way their room looks.
- Being accused of throwing important things away.
- Always being asked where something is.
As professional organizers we constantly witness the stress in our clients relationships over organization styles and decisions. Sometimes our work feels more like therapy, especially when it comes to couples. Too often those with the ability to organize do not understand when others cannot maintain their environment. Those that are organized need to keep in mind that our research shows only 10 – 15% of the population is naturally organized. Hence, the need to be able to communicate and get help when lack of organization gets in the way.
This barrier between those who naturally know how to organize and the other 90% who don’t is why our main focus is teaching people how. The foundation for any organizing project or communication is three simple steps outlined below.
SEE IT – take a look at where you’ve been
Begin by taking a realistic look at where a lack of organization is impacting your life and relationships. Choose just one area or issue. What’s working, what’s not and why? Keep it simple. Then look at it from both sides and try to see what is at the heart of the conflict. Often our relationships serve as mirrors to look at ourselves. Once you have clarity, why not share your truth with this person and ask them to share.
MAP IT – make a plan for where you want to go
Now that you have each shared your truth, each person can create a simple vision for what needs to change. Try asking – what is the single most important change that needs to happen? What is one action you can take? Let this be enough. It is imperative to the relationship that each person has a chance to share their vision and what is important to them.
DO IT – take the actions to make it happen
How you choose to implement your changes or DO IT will be very specific to the relationship. Some may come up with a way to do it together, while others might call in outside help, and still others will compromise on different levels.
Some examples of this are:
- A family sets up a system for incoming mail and an active paper system together.
- A mother and child call it fun time, put on music, and make a game of putting everything away.
- A couple decides to hire a professional organizer because they would rather enjoy their time together hiking or taking dance lessons.
- A boss and assistant set up a weekly 1 hour focused time to go through all the lists and questions.
- Two friends or buddies get excited about helping each other one weekend a month with the clutter areas – We all have them you know.
We hope we have given you inspiration and guidance to bring more peace and joy into your relationships.
We would love to hear back from you – what happened? Please share your stories!!
Marla, Kate & Team
Creating and caring for a home together is often challenging. We each have a relationship with our stuff and patterns that show up in our space. When it comes to mixing our stuff with someone else all kinds of issues can arise…
- I need stuff out where I can see it and he wants it all tucked away
- I like a simple space and she is a collector
- What do we do with all the double’s now that we are living together
- Why do you need these old T-shirts that are 30 years old – or your grandma’s china
Our TOP THREE TIPS for creating shared space are –
1 – A Room to YOURSELF. Each of you gets one room (or space) that is ALL YOURS! It gets to look the way you want, have the stuff you want and function how you want. It is your space to keep your way. This tip is critical for long-lasting relationship contentment.
2 – A Room you both LOVE. It is vital to have one room in the home (preferably the bedroom) that you both love to be in together. You have each shared in the choices for furniture, colors, the stuff and the feel. It is free of clutter or other people’s stuff. This is your sweet space to share with each other.
3 – The MAGIC Question? When it comes time to organize another area, or to do any kind of project together – start with the magical question. This question brings together the SEE IT.© (take a look at where you are) and MAP IT.© (make a plan for where you want to go) Steps and makes it simple. Ask how do you want the new space to look, feel and function? Each of you write your answers and then share with each other. You will get insights, save time & money and decrease your stress by doing this.
These TIPS are taken from almost 20 years of working with hundreds of couples. Since we all tend to attract our opposite in some way, these tips can make a huge difference in your relationship. We would love to hear from you!
Marla, Kate & Team
SEE IT.© MAP IT.© – click here for more info
Your space, your home, your office, your car, your desktop… are simply reflecting who you are and what is going on inside you. So what story would they tell if you were looking in from the outside?
Pause right now and go to your favorite room, or the room you spend the most time in. Take a look around and notice what thoughts arise. What about the sensations that are coming up in your body. Let your senses find a voice and speak to you. Take it in and trust whatever is shared. Who knows, you might even be surprised.
Here are some one-line story headings. What would yours be?
- I like comfy & color
- I’m tired and overwhelmed
- I enjoy beauty and peace
- I have too much stuff
- I am a soft person
- I’m simple – or – I’m complicated
- I like being messy – it’s who I am
- I need lots of color – or – I need neutrals
- My space is full of other people’s stuff
- I am a minimalist
- I absolutely love being organized
- Everything has a home – or – I don’t where to put things
- Everything needs to be out so I can see it.
My environment is an external reflection of my internal reality! Sharon Benedict www.newinkcopy.com
Now go further and ask, does your space support or drain you? There is no right or wrong here; this is about noticing. This is the SEE IT© Step in action (take a look at where you’ve been). Does your space reflect who you are in present time? Or do you now want to make a change? We invite you to share your insight with anyone close to you and ask about them. We would love to hear your stories!
Marla, Kate & Team
NOTE – Visit www.TheHomeEnhancer.com if you want help changing your story. Marion Mandala will transform your space into a place you love to be! She lives in the Portland, OR area but also offers virtual sessions. You can connect with her at 503-953-5976.
SEE IT.© Take a look at where you’ve been – click here for more info